We go through many changes in life, and those changes affect expectations we place on ourselves, and those placed on us by others.

Becoming a…

Partner

As a single adult we are expected to look after ourselves. When we partner with another person we become part of a couple. Expectations change to include the other person. They have expectations of us, we of them, and each of us of ourselves. This becoming involves the other person and the partnership. With that partnership comes new responsibilities, including involving that person in our decisions. For example, while a single person is free to up and change jobs, move house, come and go as they please, partnering involves another person to consider when making these and other choices.

Parent

As a couple, the decision to introduce a child into the relationship means that the couple become parents. Expectations are a big part of becoming a parent. What do each of you expect of yourselves and of each other? Parents want to do the best they can for their kids; we want our kids to have more than we did, with less stress and worry than we had. In the end, the best thing you can do is to be yourself. Kids are masters of sensing incongruity in people close to them; hence need for “do and I say, not as I do”.

Although we take on many roles in life, for instance, colleague, parent, partner, neighbor, sibling, child, uncle, aunt, or grandparent, we can still be ourselves in all of those roles. Most of us can recall when we were young, having a relative or neighbour that was a cool parent. Someone else’s dad or mom was interested in biking, and the family enjoyed Sunday bike rides. Other parents might have been educators and family outings involved trips to libraries and museums. Yet other parents were sports minded and those kids played team sports. Thinking back to when we were ourselves children, we can recall the activities other families engaged in because of the interests of one of the parents. 

Being concerned about your child’s well-being is a good sign. Be yourself; you turned out to be a caring person.